North Korean Missile Explodes onto World Stage

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In the wake of a successful long-range missile test last month, North Korea has stepped up its anti-American rhetoric, threatening more missile tests – some nuclear – in the coming months. North Korea has endured an embarrassing history of failure when it comes to missile launches, so last month’s successful test did more than catch the world by surprise… it put it on alert.

Speculation abounds as to how North Korea made the technological jump from abject failure to unadulterated success. The CIA believes that the Koreans used Soviet-era technologies purchased on the Black Market to piece together a rudimentary, albeit functional, long-range rocket system. Britain’s MI-6 has another theory, one which involves the Chinese government supplying the North Koreans with one of their long-range DF-31 missiles in order to destabilize the US Government and manipulate disarmament talks.

Randy Flenderson, manager of a Cleveland-based Toys R Us has yet another theory. “Well, I’ve seen the photo on CNN of Kim Jong-Un launching the rocket, and it’s pretty clear that it’s a Nerf,” postulated Flenderson. “We’ve actually got quite a lot of them in stock right now. It’s not a particularly strong seller.”

Whether it’s Black Market technology, misrepresented Chinese technology, or a $20 toy, the American response remains the same. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men,” said President Barrack Obama. “Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother’s keeper, and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am Obama, when I lay my vengeance upon you.”

In addition to advances in rocket technology, the North Koreans also have been active in other areas of weapons development. One such development that they are particularly excited about is a weapon that allows North Korean soldiers to cross the DMZ without setting off any of the thousands of mines protecting that area. Information about the weapon – codenamed Crocodile Mile – has been difficult to come by. Questioned about the project, North Korean officials were unsurprisingly vague. “You run… you slide… you hit the bump, and take a dive,” explained General Hyong Choy Yon, chief architect of the project.

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