Lance Armstrong Denies Allegations That Pants are On Fire


The heat continues to surround Lance Armstrong in more ways than one these days as he’s been spotted walking around Austin, Texas with his pants on fire. After filming his much-talked-about interview with Oprah Winfrey – in which it has been confirmed he finally comes clean about alleged doping throughout his cycling career – Lance returned home to Austin, where his pants spontaneously burst into flame.

A number of people, alarmed at the site of a man on fire, attempted to get help. “Holy shit, his pants are on fire!” screamed one such passerby. “Call the fire department! 9-1-1! 9-1-1!” bellowed another. Lance, for his part, remained steadfast, denying that his pants were engulfed in flames and ignoring the pleas for him to stop, drop and roll.

“I ran outside with a bucket of water from the bar, but I got tackled by one of his security guards,” claimed Randall Clarke, local barman and volunteer fireman. “You could actually smell his flesh burning, but he just kept on going as if nothing was wrong. It’s the god damndest thing I’ve ever seen. …And I’ve seen a Justin Bieber concert.”

Lance addressed the allegations that his pants were on fire through his Twitter. “Contrary to what you may have heard my pants are not on fire. People love to h8. #FlameRetardantClothing”

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