Romney Turns Frown Upside Down

Two days after a crushing defeat to Barack Obama in the Presidential Election, Mitt Romney appeared in public for the first time since his well-received concession speech Tuesday night. On the heels of one of the most vitriolic, bullshit-laden presidential campaigns in history, Mr. Romney and his wife again found themselves with an empty calendar.

Looking to get back into the swing of “normal life,” Mitt and wife Ann hit the town for a bit breakfast followed by some light shopping. A romantic breakfast of condor eggs benedict was followed by trips to Prada, Versace, Chanel, Salvatore Ferragamo, Tiffany & Co and a Bugatti dealership. The Romneys then hopped into their helicopter for a quick trip back to their luxury yacht in the harbor to drop off their bags and have a light lunch of white rhino carpaccio, before heading back into town for some more shopping.

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still a little disappointed by the results,” said Mr. Romney while drawing $5,000 from an ATM. “I went into the election hoping to win, so losing was not ideal,” he continued while spending said $5,000.

Speculation has begun about whether Mitt Romney’s career in politics may be over, and if so, what his plans for the future may include. Some have suggested that he may return to Bain Capital in some capacity, while others have suggested he may not rule out running for President again in 2016 against who most expect to be Hillary Clinton. There are even whispers by some Romney insiders who claim that he will buy a remote island in the Pacific where he plans to become an insane vivisectionist a la Dr. Moreau.

“Right now, I just want to relax and put the election to the back of my mind,” said Mr. Romney while trying on a really sweet pair of Persols. “I plan on spending the next several weeks with my family in our various houses, just enjoying each others company and my money.”

Back into the world of business? Returning to the world politics he so nearly ascended the top of? Retreating to a private island to conduct all manner of morally questionable experiments? Only time will tell the course that Mitt Romney takes next.

Ann Romney did, however, share her thoughts on what was next for the Romneys. “Well, I’d like to stop at Gucci to get some earings, and then maybe swing by Louis Vuitton after that.”

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